but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
