we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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