just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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