Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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