Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
