she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
