imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
