i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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