I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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