at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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