i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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