I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
