She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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