Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize