i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
