You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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