i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
