in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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