Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
