Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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