I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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