I heard we made out
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
