i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
