i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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