you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
