when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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