i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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