It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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