Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
