I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
