he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
