I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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