we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
