I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
