she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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