my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
