Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
