i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
