Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
