Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
