Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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