So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
