You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
