I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
