Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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