Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
