Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
