mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
