Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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