The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize