chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
