I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
