just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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