I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
