You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize