it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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