Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
