I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have demons in me.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
