she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she smelled like a LAN party
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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