why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize