white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
