I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
