First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
