I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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