Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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