Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize