I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
