dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
