I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
