Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize