while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
