Fine. I'll sleep in my office
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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