It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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