it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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