You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
