god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
