In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
