Well douche your snatch and let's go!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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