my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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