is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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