You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
