the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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