Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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