Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
