Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize