TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
