I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
