I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize