Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
