Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
