I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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