ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
