Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
