Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
