I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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