Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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