Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
