can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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