i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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